To feel accepted is a common universal desire. We as humans have the need to be liked and respected. Fear of being negatively evaluated is in our DNA. Now being aware of how our actions or words affect others is an important part of maintaining important relationships; however, taking others’ options as truth can lead to a hurtful cycle of self-doubt and insecurity.
“People who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all the shitty things they think about themselves being reflected back on them.”
– Mark Manson
Now wanting to be seen in a positive light isn’t all bad. We all need to have some self-awareness of how others perceive us, keeping us aware of how our actions impact others. But putting too much weight into others’ options can lead us to feel that the options of others out value what we need and desire for ourselves.
Signs that we care too much what others think
- Feeling good about yourself is based on approval from others
- You let others make decisions for you
- You rarely say what is on your mind
- You change yourself in response to others criticism, whether it is constructive or not
- You’re constantly apologizing even when it is not your fault
- You’re a perfectionist
How to overcome the anxiety of others options
- Expect and accept people will have opinions of you
- Keep things in perspective
- Remember no one is perfect, we all make mistakes
- Take back control over your feelings
- Develop your sense of self-worth and confidence
- Consider the source – is this person’s opinion important
- Don’t be a mind reader – you’re probably wrong
In closing, be who you are. Be yourself, without fear of what others may see. Because living any other way, you are only letting yourself down. Being who you are without guilt or shame is what the world deserves from you and what you deserve from yourself.
“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”
~ Kurt Cobain